I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
