The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
