why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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