I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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