I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
