Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
