It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
