drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
