Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
