you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I am midnight drunk by noon
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
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