i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
