They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
