I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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