I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
