I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
