rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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