Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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