Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
