im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
is that a dick in a sweater?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
