im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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