last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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