Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
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