I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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