Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
