3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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