I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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