If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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