Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
