i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm sobbing to NWA
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
