drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
