If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
God, I missed his penis.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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