direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
