what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
