he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
It's not a walk of shame if you run
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
