My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
