Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
