Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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