Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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