And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Randomize
