Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
