mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
