I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize