Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
