Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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