my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
