Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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