we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
