I think I just saw someone hide a body.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
