im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
pray to the hookup gods
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Randomize