I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
