I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize