I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
