You really coming over, don't trick.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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