If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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