i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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