We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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