oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
