just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
