so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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