You don't have asthma, your pregnant
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
