Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
my poor anus
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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