is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
