Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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