How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
