I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
