i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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