I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
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