i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
