Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
