Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
