Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Randomize
