You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
