At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Randomize
