Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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