I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
