Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize