Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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