after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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